How often should you call your parents as an adult

What adults actually do

Pew Research Center compared parents and grown children in the United States, Germany and Italy in a 2015 report. In the U.S., 38 percent of adults said they were in contact with a parent every day and another 43 percent said weekly. Italians were far more likely to be in daily contact, at 64 percent, and Germans less likely, at 29 percent. So a strong majority of American adults hear from a parent at least once a week, and the habit is shaped by culture as much as by individual choice.

The phone is still the main channel. In the same Pew report, 94 percent of U.S. adults who were in touch with a parent at least monthly said they typically communicate by phone, while 49 percent said they text. Email and social networks came well behind.

Younger adults split their contact between calls and texts. A 2024 Pew report on adults aged 18 to 34 found that 46 percent talk or video chat with a parent at least a few times a week, including 14 percent who do so daily, and 61 percent text a parent at least a few times a week. Young women were more likely than young men to talk with a parent that often, 55 percent against 34 percent.

Most of them seem content with the arrangement. Two thirds, 66 percent, said they communicate with their parent as often as they would like. But 27 percent, more than a quarter, said they communicate less often than they would like.

What parents and adult children expect

Expectations run a little higher than practice. A CBS News poll conducted by SSRS on April 8 to 12, 2016, asked 1,020 U.S. adults how often an adult child should call their mom. Twenty-four percent said at least once a day, 24 percent said a few times a week, 35 percent said at least once a week, and 12 percent said once a month or less.

Mothers who still had children under 18 at home set the bar highest. In that group, 33 percent said an adult child should call daily and 26 percent said a few times a week. If your parent answers the question differently from you, that is normal, and it is worth knowing before either of you starts keeping score.

The simplest way to find out is to ask. A direct question such as how often would you like to hear from me usually gets a more honest answer than guessing, and it turns an unspoken expectation into something you can both plan around.

Why a short call counts for more than you expect

Many people put off calling because they think it will be awkward or take too long. Research by Amit Kumar of the University of Texas at Austin and Nicholas Epley of the University of Chicago, published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, tested this with about 200 people who reconnected with an old friend by phone or by email. Participants expected the call to be more awkward, but those who called reported a significantly stronger bond and no more awkwardness, and the call took about as long as writing and reading the email.

The person you call also tends to value it more than you think. In a set of 13 preregistered experiments with nearly 6,000 participants, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Peggy Liu, SoYon Rim, Lauren Min and Kate Min found that people consistently underestimate how much others appreciate being reached out to, from a brief text to a small gift. The gap was larger when the contact came as a surprise.

Together these findings argue against waiting for a reason to call. A short call on an ordinary day is likely to land better than you predict, and a long silence is not a reason to stay quiet.

Why regular contact matters on their side

Loneliness is common among older adults. The University of Michigan National Poll on Healthy Aging found that 33 percent of adults aged 50 to 80 felt lonely some of the time or often in 2024, about the same as the 34 percent measured in 2018, after peaking at 42 percent during the pandemic. In 2024, 29 percent said they felt isolated at least some of the time.

The same poll found that people who live alone and people with lower household incomes were more likely to report feeling lonely or isolated. A predictable call does not fix that on its own, but it gives a parent who lives alone something reliable in the week, and it gives you a regular read on how they sound.

How to choose a rhythm that fits your family

1. Ask what they would like. Agree on a baseline together, such as a Sunday call, instead of assuming.
2. Match it to the situation. A parent who lives alone, has had a recent loss or move, or is dealing with health problems may want more frequent contact than one who is busy and independent. Revisit the rhythm when circumstances change.
3. Mix calls and messages. Texts and photos keep the thread alive between calls, but the voice research above suggests they should not replace calls entirely.
4. Anchor the call to something that already happens, such as a commute or a weekend breakfast, so it does not depend on remembering. If a parent lives in another time zone, check their local time first. Warmthly, for example, lets you give each person their own rhythm such as weekly or monthly, sends one reminder when someone is due, and shows a person's local time next to their name once you set their city.

Common mistakes

Waiting for news. If you only call when something has happened, calls become rare and heavy. Ordinary days are the point.

Letting the gap grow because it already feels too long. The longer the silence, the harder the first call feels. The appreciation research suggests the opposite effect on the other end: an unexpected call tends to be welcomed more, not less.

Turning every call into a status check. Asking about medicine and appointments has its place, but a call that is only questions can feel like an inspection. Share something about your own week too.

Setting a rhythm you cannot keep. A daily call that collapses after two weeks leaves everyone worse off than a weekly call that holds for a year. Pick the frequency you can sustain, then add extra calls when you can.

Frequently asked questions